WOMEN AND SELF-RESPECT MARRIAGE PERIYAR E.V.R.RAMASAMI
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[Unequal and discriminatory treatment of a section of people based on their birth leads to denial of justice and legitimate rights. People have not yet ceased to follow the practice of discriminating against others owing to the differences in race, religion, colour; language, caste etc. Such discrimination is a major source of conflict. Those who are in majority or in some unduly favourable position dominate and exploit others. Those who are exploited and suppressed do not grow to their full stature. Not only do they suffer from the stunted growth of their physical, mental and moral faculties, but are also unable to contribute meaningfully and substantially to the development and welfare of the society at large. Women who form half the population of the world have been treated as chattels/slaves/servants/subordinates/house-keepers throughout the historical period. They have been denied for millenniums equal socio-religious, economic, cultural and political rights. All the religions preach about the benefit of their servile position.
When Periyar saw the suppressed lot of the helpless and hopeless women, he began to raise his determined voice against all forms of cruelty and injustice to which they were subjected. He fought stoutly and tirelessly for their equal rights in all walks of life, presenting his arguments frankly, boldly, lucidly, logically, forcefully and convincingly of the need to eliminate the outmoded, traditional, inhuman practices against women and to promote the values and ways that would help them to become equal, free and dignified partners of men. The introduction of Self-respect marriage without any religious ceremonies is a small, but a very significant step that Periyar took to ensure the dignity and equal rights of women.
We are reproducing here excerpts from his speeches at self-respect weddings and published in the Tamil Rationalist daily VIDUTHALAI in July 1964. Aasaan has made the translation.]
We do not conduct this marriage in
the traditional way. We do it in a
different transformed manner. The first aim of this mode of marriage is to give equal rights to women and remove their slavish position.
Servile condition
Women who constitute half of the population of human race are made to be of no use to country, and kept as slaves, as domestic servants and as machines giving birth to children. No one, except ourselves, has come forward to remove this cruelty. Those who came forward to serve the cause of women had only further strengthened their servile condition.
What have we done?
We have conducted the marriages of not only widows and those abandoned by their husbands, but also the weddings of devadasis (prostitutes sanctioned by the Hindu scriptures).
It is because of our propaganda they have enacted a law that a man marrying more than one woman an offence, and women now have the right to inherit property and to divorce.
Instead of parents arranging the marriages, man and woman should choose their partners. That is the ideal we aim at. Those who marry at an early age do not have the maturity to understand each other, and that necessitates the parents to select the bride or the bridegroom.
They should get married after the age of 20, 22 years; till then they should pursue their studies and find some honourable means of earning their livelihood. What should the newly married do? I request the couple to be rational in their thinking and behaviour. They should practice thrift and not spend more than what they earn.
The number of children they have should be limited to their capacity to bring them up with necessary facilities - good food, clothing, education, medical facilities etc. It is not advisable to have more than two children.
Those who spend too much and have too many children cannot remain honest, upright and uncorrupted. (Increase in expenditure will land them in financial difficulties, inducing them to resort to foul methods to get the additional money needed).
The newly wedded couple should remember that their family is apart of the society, and so they should serve others to the extent possible. Traditionally, only after we come under the influence of Aryan (Brahmanic) religion, we began to have meaningless and degrading rites in our weddings. Consulting the astrologer to find out whether the bride and the bridegroom will be a suitable match and lead a happy life, and fixing an auspicious time to perform the ceremony are some of the unnecessary and harmful practices we adopt when we conduct the marriage according to religious tradition.
Hindu religion says that Sudras have no right to have regular marriage ceremonies conducted by Brahmins. It is to overcome this (scriptural) hurdle, they require the bridegroom, during the wedding ceremony, to put on the Poonool (Yagnopavitham or Juneja), a thread worn across the torso by the twice born (dwija) in the four-fold Varna social system.
Religious rites and rituals followed during the wedding ceremony are meant to urge that women ought to occupy permanently a servile place at home and in the society, and they also make us do things in superstitious ways.
The New Way
We retain only the essential processes in a self-respect mode of conducting a wedding. We emphasize that men and women are equal, husband and wife are equal partners in domestic life.
The bride and the bride-groom separately make a solemn affirmation in the following way.
"Respected elders and friends! I accept today, in your presence, so and so, daughter of so and so, belonging to such and such place, as my life help-mate.
"From today we shall have common interests and equal rights in life. In our life, whatever rights I expect from my spouse, she has equal right to expect the same from me.
"So I assure you that today we shall live as equal partners, and as a sign of the same I put on her this garland."
The bride makes a similar affirmation, and puts on a garland around the neck of the bridegroom. For now this is all essentially required to be performed in a self-respect marriage.
Religious (or Vedic) marriages follow the customs based on caste-system. So they have to be solemnised by Brahmin priests, as they are considered to belong to the highest caste (or Varna). So in order to establish a casteless egalitarian society, we have to adopt the procedure of the self-respect marriage.
Husband and wife are not mere help-mates, but real friends. When differences arise between them, they should compete with each other to come to a compromise. That is the true mark of friendship.
